Wide Eyed

Some strange veneer has laid itself
Over my normal principles
Actions and reactions
I hover in this uncomfortable squalor
Yet it bothers me not
Safe behind the fatigue and booze

Chipped tiles, cracked glaze
Browning and filthy in their disrepair
Oxidised aluminium
Fencing in flavourless formica
A sun coloured lake
Rippling under the tread of my shoes

The sharp stench attacks
It penetrates the dense veil
Surrounding my cognisance
But does not generate the natural response
Ordinarily demanded
I shuffle on, unconcerned

Burning its way through my veins
This welcomed venom
Bringing relief and stupor
And their companion, with his hourglass
It seems now to make sense of it all
But in itself, senseless

I laugh at some half remembered joke
The punchline banished
In a smoke induced cough
That brings on the queasiness
Displaying a weathered veracity
That culminates in an unvoiced "I told you so"

These emaciated walls shift and sway
Holding tight the sum of my immediate world
Restrained, confined, concealed
As my thoughts flow slowing
Behind one another
Delayed and unimportant

Deeper thoughts struggle to surface
But are waylaid
By the transience of my attention
They fade beneath the dark waters
That lie calm across my mind
A sea awash with uniform incomprehension

Cigarette burns and pint marks
Flood through my consciousness
With some peculiar importance
Seemingly symbolic
But in reality meaningless metaphor
Blurred memories fighting bad focus

Awareness switches sense
Booming beats and rhythms
Envelope my head
Swimming in through pores
Stunning me, interrupting me
Held captive by the monotonous music

I shake my head
Trying to rid myself of this cloud
This swampy apathy
The heavy lifeless feel
And the crawling sickness inside
Devouring me whole

So it ends
A dilapidated washroom
Some grungy cubicle
Broken porcelain
And me, clutching my stomach
Wide eyes staring at the light.